


Flaming Poop Knife

by HipHopAnonymous



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Crack, Flaming Sword, Gen, OLHTS made me do it, Perfectly Horrid Velocipedes, Poop (but not scat), not safe for life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:22:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22885495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HipHopAnonymous/pseuds/HipHopAnonymous
Summary: Oh flaming poop knife, we summon thee,To save our plumbing,Deliver us from plumbers,And forgive us our fiber.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 15





	Flaming Poop Knife

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a "make it as horrible as possible" prompt: _Interesting uses for a flaming sword_
> 
> Please do not read this. I'm begging you.

“Oh, good lord!” Aziraphale Aziraphaled, frowning frownily at the enormous log in the porcelain throne. “Well, goodness gracious, what in Heaven and Hell did I expect? All those pears!” He shook his head. “They sure are high in fiber, aren’t they?”

“What do do? What to do?” He paced in the small room, think-think-thinking much like Winnie the - “Pooh!” he groused, hands on his hips.

Remembering well his Reddit browsing and always knowing his memes, a perfectly reasonable and not at all terrible idea bloomed in his angelic mind. “Oh, of course!”

He summoned the flaming sword into his hand. With a shrug, he lit it aflame and then stabbed it down into the bowl with as much fervor and fury as if he were smiting the excrement from heaven (otherwise known as demons. No offense, Crowley!) 

“You won’t best me, oh adversary of the pipes!” 

The water splashed as he jabbed, determined to defeat this plumbing devil. No plumbers cracks would tempt the angel this day, no siree! The flaming poop knife would thwart the wiles of defecation. The Metatron and Miralax wills it so!

Aziraphale battled on. “Oh good lord! Oh cheese and crumpets! Flush, you foul fiend!”

**Author's Note:**

> In case anyone hasn't read the [Poop Knife Story](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/7qn75k/poop_knife_from_reddit/) on Reddit


End file.
